Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
