Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
