i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Randomize
