My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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