his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
