i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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