dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
