my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Randomize
