update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
