So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
