yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
