I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
