after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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