we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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