I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
Randomize
