hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
