he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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