i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
