i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Randomize
