I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
