just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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