...so i touched it.
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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