Tell her she can't have a vagina
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
