I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
