You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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