dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
Randomize
