My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
