im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My dick has a subreddit
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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