I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Randomize
