Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
