Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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