Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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