she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I'm at home, drinking with my cat. While this is an enjoyable lifestyle, other plans are preferable.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
