It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
then he tried to convert me to islam
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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