Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
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woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
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Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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