They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Randomize
