yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
