Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
