Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
