hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
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