I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
