If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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