she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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