Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
The two of us decided to throw a spur-of-the-moment parade and the next thing I know we're 4 miles down the road being followed by 65 drunk strangers
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
