Moan for me like Helen Keller
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize