Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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