not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
