my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
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