she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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