he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
