How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
