My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
