i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
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