hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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