"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
