wake up i wanna do it froggy style
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize