sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
