This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
