she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
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