Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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