I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
You thought that the "chillable" logo on the box wine was referring to a city in italy.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
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