Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
