my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
who says I'm not relevant to the kids today? Just had snapchat sex, blows the roof off aim cyber sex
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Randomize
