I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
You ate ashes out of my bong
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
