my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
