I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
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