sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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