were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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