Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
