I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
