Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
