I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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