I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
