guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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